The List Makers
Is it good to be project driven? Or does list making make us miserable?
Since I returned from France I have had a huge case of “overwhelm”. I CANNOT get it all done. I have always been a worker bee and a list maker. I love list making - writing things down helps me not to forget things, and keeps all of the million chores/tasks/projects/appts from swirling around in my head constantly. “It’s safely written down on a list and I don’t have to remember it.” It’s a method of control. If it’s written down, I’m in control. But I’m not. (We never are - I learned that the hard way.)
How do you pick what goes on the list? How do you decide where it goes on the list? What if it’s all important? I feel like I have piles of things to do all over the place and cannot get to them. And I have lists of things. And they are growing. I want someone to come over and make the list FOR me and tell me in what order to do everything. And the growing piles and lists contribute to a feeling of chaos. I don’t like chaos.
I saved an article from O Magazine from several years ago. It applies here…
“There are small indicators of disorder that unleash in us a feeling that things are out of control. Even if it is just a stack of unsorted mail or clutter on your counter, that feeling begets other bigger feelings - namely guilt and defeat. Whatever it is, it undermines your goals because it gives you a sense of chaos. (Gray - ‘Told ya’) Outside order contributes to inner calm”
Wait a minute - here we are, many of us retired or on a second, hopefully slower career and we’re supposed to have all this free time! This is the time when we are now supposed to be in control of our time. But I am not alone - many of my friends lament they cannot make headway in their to do lists. I have a friend that just retired and told me she doesn’t know how she did it all! She worked a 50-60 hour week and she feels more “behind” than ever. Maybe the more perceived time you have, the more you put on your plate!
So maybe I’m not the only one who feels frantic to get it all done? I thought that it was mainly due to my having lost 4 or 5 years to grief and depression. Maybe I’m not the only one who feels like the clock is now ticking and I am running out of time to do everything I want to do. I had things I wanted to do before all the horribleness happened and I’ve still not done them. (Fortunately, one of them is this blog and I’ve now done it! Another is to travel - making headway on that too!)
So back to the lists, which we are apparently using, to be in control of our situation and our time. Are we feeling like we spend all our time with day to day minutiae and never get to what’s on the list? There are carpets to clean and beds to weed and errands to run. There is trim to paint and dishes to wash and plants to water. Well if that’s the case, then are these lists a good thing or are they making us miserable?
I don’t know what the answer is, maybe it’s an aging thing or maybe it’s just my nature! I always have a bunch of projects waiting in the wings that I want to tackle. And I have all sorts of creative things I have always wanted to try!
I want to paint a huge abstract for my living room. I want to paint a water color sample board (a la John Derian) for my powder room. I want to paint my old beat up mantle and finally style it. I want to paint 6 old wooden chairs to look like a set, that I can pull out for guest seating. I want to finish decorating my master that I redid last year (I still don’t have drapes and lamps and furniture and art.) I want to redo Whitten’s bedroom like I had planned to do when he died. I want to decorate the other guest room in bright colors and call it the Flamingo room, in memory of Chip’s sister Jane. I had that planned even before she died. I have stacks of coloring books to do and stacks of books to read. I have stacks of pictures to be framed and hung. And I want to have ladies over for impromptu cocktails at a moment’s notice. All the while wearing my caftan. 😉
Maybe I want to do too much? Maybe it’s just impossible and I should take some things off the list. But I’m not willing to. Because it’s all good stuff. And I can do it all. And I should.
Are you a list maker? Do you become overwhelmed when trying to get your stuff done? What do you do when you feel like this?
I am determined to tackle this huge list of mine. And now is the time to get to it. Time’s Awastin.
